So how did I grow up
blaming my mother
To discover my deformity
Was perhaps her fault
So many restrictions on Sunday
No washing, no cinema
Will I do it differently
When I grow up? Who knows?

“I don’t want you hanging on my apron strings
When you're fifty!"
But I was five

"What will become of Rosey?"
I heard her say

Behind closed doors
Was I supposed to hear?
I heard!

I’ve struggled all my life with pain and mobility
“I will become
    I will become"

Hospital stays, learning to walk
Struggling on sticks, trying to study

The disappearance
Of my best friend
My dog
I didn’t get to say goodbye
Why not?
Be brave, don’t cry
Was the mantra in those days

Daddy’s picnics he made
For our rides to the beach
Were the best ever
I have tasted m at Yarmouth
“I will become
    I will become"

Music and study
Became my best friends
Not sure I’ve excelled at either
But always held a job

I challenged my mother
At 50, a bad time for her

The revelations extraordinary
Shall I believe them
My father couldn’t boil water
The picnics weren’t his.

"We just didn’t want to see you cry
To explain the dog's farewell"

"I would have cut my tongue out
If I had known you heard"

Amazing to hear the truth
And told with love and sincerity

I only think of what could have been
Should have been, might have been
If what, where, when or why?
With whom?

Because
I have become.