After rushing to town, walking through the streets, passing the post office where people were waiting to be allowed to enter, I hurried to do my shopping as fast as possible. It felt like being in a science fiction movie and the only thing I wished for was to be back home again. I made myself as invisible as possible, choosing the back roads in order to avoid any police control.
Now I sit here, listening to the wind in the trees. It is soothing, and with so much tenderness the air is touching the leaves and is moving through the spaces in between. The sunlight is reflecting through them, their shapes like fingers reaching out, pointing in different directions.
The time of the roses has come. They look down on me with a smile, it seems they are telling me about love and beauty. I adore this natural perfume of nature, it is irresistible, it revives and refines all my senses and brightens up my inner world. There is a yellow rose right in front of me. I picked her the other day when she just started to open. Now she is in full blossom, all her petals have opened and in the centre she allows a glimpse into her most inner place, her heart. It reminds me of my own. Just like hers, it has many layers, it can close and open, but it needs time. It feels rich and abundant, tender and bright like this yellow rose which resonates with light shining from within.
I wish that I could allow myself to shine and that I can bring light into the dark spots inside me and that I can drop painful memories to the ground like the trees letting go of their dead leaves. There they can find a new purpose, either protecting the earth of not drying out or becoming fertile ground so the tree can keep growing and enfolding its true potential. There the question is rising: ”Do I live my potential? Which fertilizer would I need in order to keep on growing?” It is a question accompanying me already for two thirds of my life. It never leaves me, not really. There are times this voice is silent for a while, but then she awakens again and demands that I look inside and search for answers.
It is a quest, and this quest is now. Just me and nature surrounding me. I am walking through the garden. It is all quiet, nobody is here, nobody is asking me a question or needing anything. How strange this feels and at the same time there is a big relief. I don’t have to look after anybody, no demand, no expectation, I feel almost naked.
During the last years, in the middle of the hot summers, full of activities, taking care of the house and the guests, I was longing for this stillness which now is spreading its wings and is taking me deeper inside.
Blue turquoise water in front of me, the surface mirroring back the sky and the trees. It is moving gently creating blurry images. On the other side, pink flowers reflecting in the pool, an invitation to be joyful and being a reminder of sweetness, light-heartedness and hope. The pot the flowers are growing in has an oval organic shape, harmonizing and soothing for the eyes. The flowers are lovingly supported and held upright in order to hang over the edges with elegance and ease like a rain of sweet candy making life a beautiful adventure and a feast for the senses. The turquoise and the pink creating a harmonious melody where slowly different shades of greens are weaving in until the song is complete, the fresh green of the leaves telling about innocence and the darker leaves about life experience.
Just earlier today, I was reflecting about my life, the different phases I have experienced, the lovers I have been with. About the heart aches I have lived through and where I could have made a different choice. All these experiences have given me insights and wisdom as well as have left some scars. But after all I have to trust that they have been lessons to be learned in order to grow tall and strong. Maybe they are like the leaves which have fallen to the ground, becoming rich soil and protecting the earth from drying out.