There is a landscape that reoccurs in my dreams from time to time, that represents a place I yearn to visit. It used to be New Zealand, but now I have been there, it is South America, where I have never been and will probably never go.

There are mountains. Green. And a still lake in a valley. A few clusters of trees but mostly bare slopes. No people. No animals. An atmosphere of calm serene untouched beauty.

Why do I want to cry as I sit here recalling this tranquil scene? Such yearning. A sort of nostalgia for a place I have never actually been,

If I find this place, if I reach it, I will have accomplished my life’s purpose. Whatever that is. It will be journey’s end. Peace and fulfilment.

I think there is snow on distant mountain peaks. But not where I am in the valley. Here the temperature is comfortable. The air is still. I wait for people to appear. My parents, son, friends. But no, they are not coming. I have never loved anyone enough to want them to ruffle the stillness here.

I could let a bird fly across the sky, as long as it was silent. The sky. Is it blue? Surprisingly, I find it is probably a uniform pale grey, much like today, here. Relaxing.

My dog would definitely be a nuisance here, although I might tolerate her. A cat would be better, slinking about almost invisibly to rest comfortably on my feet.

I might swim in the lake. Walk slowly in and feel the cool water creep up my body, caressing me. I could swim, making small splashy noises, lie on my back and call out “echo, echo, echo.” Of course there would be one.

There is no-one in this place and still I am contented. Even the cat has disappeared.

I will light a fire for company and listen to it crack. Watch the flames and sparks. It is a dream, so I don’t need to bother to gather the sticks or wonder where the matches came from. And I don’t need to eat or drink in this place.

I might take my clothes off. I have the body I had around 25. One that likes being naked (not this one, oh no!)

Oh but look! There is a creature! A velvet-nosed deer. No antlers. Big curious brown eyes. We regard each other as equals, she walks regally to the lake to drink, then wanders off, unperturbed.

Of course there are no insects to bite or bother me. It is a dream.

I should be finding more words, more images, but keep just wanting to sit in my landscape doing nothing but appreciate being here.

I thought a garden would be lovely. But I don’t need to grow vegetables as food is not required here. Flowers would be a delight, but I don’t want to clutter this natural place with the clumsy agrarian interference of humanity. That phrase is in here because this is a writing group and Iwent to university!

University. Yes I think this is about dreams formed in my 20s. Is that when we all dream our futures? And then get disappointed, find unexpected joys, and come to our Golden years with perspective and gratitude and acceptance?

You have probably guessed that I studied Philosophy.

And that I am in a melancholy mood.

I wonder if I will dream this place in my sleep ever again now?  I have probably only dreamt it four or five times in my life, but always with recognition- “Oh, I’m THERE again am I?” and always waking up sorry it was just a dream.

Tonight I will probably dream of the writing group!